Corona virus

Call me a cynic, man, but . . . is it real? Is it just a conspiracy conjured in the demented mind of the supermarket giants? Fucked if I know, dude. But let me tell you one thing: amongst the piles upon piles of bog roll now residing in the houses of the greedy, and the gallons of anti-bacterial soap and cream and wipes stocking up the kitchen cupboards of the world’s most acquisitive retards, there’s a mass shortage of chorizo too! I seriously believe that I – being in the right place, at the right time – got the last chunk of chorizo in the whole of Bradford. So fuck you!

In complete seriousness, though, of course my heart goes out to everyone affected. I’ve lost family and I’ve lost friends and I wouldn’t wish such pain on anyone. But are we going a bit too far now? (Yes is surely the answer.)

An epidemic is bad. A pandemic is worse. But, at least, on this occasion, there are other ways to prevent the vulnerable from becoming infected. Surely.

I was on track to win a fiver in my mini Super 6 league – I’ve lost that now. Thanks FA. I’ve been waiting four long months in anticipation of the first Formula 1 Grand Prix of 2020 to begin – now I gotta wait till the end of May. First world problems, man.

I’m no politician, and obviously, this has become political. Everything always does. I guess I just wonder if the world has gone mad. I mean, I wrote this whole blog whilst queuing at a check-out in Aldi. Either the inhabitants of our planet have lost it completely; or, as the crazy conspiracy-theorists suggest, there’s something they’re not telling us.

As a small man, with a small blog and an even smaller mind, I don’t know how this will all play out. I’m just glad I managed to get me a fat chunk of chorizo amidst the chaos. It’s obviously a vital necessity during this epidemic – some kind of cure, perhaps? A mixture of pork, fat, oils and spices. Why else would there suddenly be a mass shortage of the Spanish sausage?

I’m gonna make a paella this evening – a kind of delicious immunisation. I’ll wash my hands after. Don’t worry.

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