Five Ways To Cure Boredom

Admittedly, the title is rather misleading. It suggests that I have the cure-all answer to tedium. It’s more of a plea . . . Please, can somebody tell me how to cure boredom? I’ve tried five things today. On Saturday, of all days! I’d just finished work, and I had the family tagging along in the contrail of my boredom. I tried:

1) Greggs — I got a cold beef and veggie pastie. (Incidentally, no longer a Cornish Pasty because EU law states that Cornish’s don’t have peas and carrots. Who knew, eh?) My daughter got about ten brownies and my partner got a chicken bake. Riveting news, right?

2) Morrisons — We sat in the car park for about an hour whilst the baby slept. People-watching and eye-spy didn’t cure our boredom. 

3) Friends — This, I would, of course, suggest to everyone as a means to cure boredom. Friendship is a beautiful, thing. A vital facet in this complicated blur we call life. A great killer of time. A wonderful tool in the diversion of laboriousness. I’ve even heard that you can share good quality fun with them, friends. Alas, I have none. So that was a no go for me. I just held my family hostage in the car park for another hour.

4) Time with the kids — I eventually let my family go and we all went home. My eldest played on her iPad (the downfall of our children’s education, culture, sociability and health. But also a great way to keep them quiet); my partner put the washing out; and my one-year-old stole the washing from her, finding it particularly hilarious. But we, as parents, have gotta be honest with ourselves: kids are only mildly amusing. Don’t get me wrong, I love em, I do. I would happily commit murder to avenge the fact that somebody damaged a single strand of bright white, beautiful blonde hair on the head of either of my little girls. But their ideas of fun are childish (which is fair, I suppose). The most fun I’ve had so far today is getting my one-year-old daughter in a Jack Bauer choke hold. They can’t tell good jokes, they smell, they’re unnecessarily loud, and they’re not allowed alcohol. Which brings me nicely into my final point.

5) Alcohol — There is a cure-all, guys. It comes in the form of intoxication. And I think it’s about that time. 

Have a wonderful weekend, folk. Hope your Saturday was more exciting than mine. 

p.s. I have been writing too. I’ll do another post soon on where I’m at with it all.

Until then . . .

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